Miss Clueless

Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoyevsky Stoner by John Williams Demons (or The Possessed or The Devils) by Fyodor Dostoyevsky The Magus by John Fowles Crime and Punishment is one of my favourite books of all time. My fav by Dostoyevsky. It's my second time reading this book. It's got drama, psychology, philosophy, mystery, and even a love story. It's engaging throughout. Not a single sentence bored me.  Whether or not Raskolnikov will end up being a great man, doing great deeds, will depend on whom? There's an important character without whom he'll perish. Pretty sure. Remember, behind very successful man, there's a ... Stoner. American classic. This was a nice read. I can pick a good book, alright.  Demons. I didn't want to let go of Dostoyevsky after finishing Crime and Punishment. Among the four books considered his great works, this was the only one I hadn't read. So picked it up. Psychological drama. Tragedy. There's something very disturbing...

I don't have any source of income right now (except for a few hundred rupees per month). I don't monetise this blog either. Even if I do, can I sustain myself with that money? doubtful. I should have another source. I'll think of this later. What am I doing now? I am being there for my ageing parent. Helping with raising a child. Just being there for my family. Living a stress-free, peaceful life. At home, with pets. Things that matter more than money. But am I done with my career?  Definitely not.  I may not follow the conventional path, but I am on my own path. There will be more. I'm not willing to "wind up in obscurity". No. ---------- I still think of Ryan sometimes. ---------- Oh, hey, Manipur is on international news. For what? It's got to do with Israel. Embarrassing. I don't like it at all. People are stupid. ---------- Do you know? We are using up our planet almost twice as fast than it can regenerate.  I don't wanna be part of this.  Wha...

Ryan has been missing since yesterday. L got sick last night. Cold, blocked nose. Hardly any of us slept properly. Mom and I planned to go to this one cafe I've been telling her about. But a total shutdown is announced starting today ( 19th April 2026) . This is the thing. A normal, peaceful day is a rarity here. Anyway, I finished Stoner today. A novel by American author John Williams. Originally published in 1965. Genre: Campus novel.  Started reading it a few days ago. Took it slow.  This is probably the first time I've read this genre. It's unexpectedly good. Nothing special though. It's the simplicity I enjoyed.  An ordinary story about an ordinary, quiet man, born at the end of the 19th century, who became an English professor at Columbia University, Missouri. The book starts with his early life on a farm with his parents, his time at university, his married life, his life on campus as an English professor, his becoming a good teacher, and finding love, an...

Imagine the mother in the hospital. Her two children dead. Imagine her reaction when she found out. Can you? Think about it for a second. Before this, there was another news this month. About a seven-year-old girl. If you read about Manipur, you'll know what I'm talking about. Why must it be the children?  Why must it be anyone, for that matter? Why are we still killing each other? Do we really hate each other? The victims paying the price. Mostly ordinary citizens. Innocent children. Did they cause this? Did they deserve this? 

I'm back home after a month's holiday. Well, almost a month. Apparently, a single woman on vacation for a month, who is not a social media influencer, is a red flag with the immigration officer.😄 What did I read during my vacation? These: 1. Witches, Witch-Hunting, and Women by Silvia Federici I was looking for Caliban and the Witch and found this instead. Gave it a go. It is on similar themes anyway. "..because 'globalization' is a process of political recolonization intended to give capital uncontested control over the world's natural wealth and human labor, and this cannot be achieved without attacking women, who are directly responsible for the reproduction of their communities. The book serves as a reminder that reconstructing the memory of the past is crucial to the struggles of the present. 2. When I Hit You: Or, A Portrait of the Writer as a Young Wife by Meena Kandasamy A semi-autobiographical novel. Involves domestic violence and sexual abuse. Ugh! I...

I started reading A Strangeness in My Mind by Orhan Pamuk. It was going fine until Rayiha was introduced. A 13-year-old girl.  Something is disturbing in that.  I remember Natasha in War and Peace. She was only 13 years old when she was first introduced in the book. In a short story I read, by Fyodor Dostoyevsky, A Christmas Tree and a Wedding, a grown man approached and harassed a girl, literally a child, and eventually married her at 16. Not okay, not okay, not okay!!! I'm gonna have to pick another book.

 I left Da Nang on the 18th and reached Hanoi on the 19th. I stayed at 3 hotels in Da Nang. Looking back now, the first hotel was the best, price-wise, location-wise (very close to the beach), overall hotel service-wise. I booked that one long ago. That must be why it was cheaper than the others, which I booked only a few days before check-in. For food, I went to an Indian restaurant and a vegan restaurant called Loving Vegan. Sometimes I made noodle soup in the room, with the noodle packets I bought from Winmart. The second hotel was away from the beach but close to the Han River. I saw fewer Western tourists and more Asian tourists in this area. The Han Market is also very close. I went there only once to exchange currency. Since my useless forex card doesn't work for online payments, every time I booked a hotel, I had to choose the pay-at-hotel option. And it turns out, every hotel asks for cash payment.  This room was much bigger, but there was a musty smell. And sometimes...

On the 9th day, I went on a long walk by the Han River in the morning. I walked enough that I decided to rest in the room for the rest of the day. I walked and walked, went under the Dragon Bridge and on the other side, after a short distance, was the APEC Park. Seen images of its impressive white roof structure. On the walk up to that area with the white roof, I saw some people doing yoga. I guess they were recording, I saw a tripod, a camera and stuff. As I walked up, I could hear some noise getting louder and louder. Turned out it was full of school students doing some activities, or dancing or singing. I didn't get closer. I went away, around the park. Nothing much was there. I came out and sat for a while.  Time to eat something. I went to the same family place. I was greeted by a friendly uncle, the owner, I believe. He was patting a cat, must be their pet. I thought great. I love cats. Had sauteed rice noodles vegetables. Looked simple, but it tasted really good, and I was h...

 What did I do on 7th March? Woke up late. I was in the bathroom when housekeeping started knocking on my door. I said 10 minutes and closed the door. Got ready and off to the beach. Walked as usual. A lot of walking every day. Found myself a spot and read for a while. Ate some snacks. Always have snacks in my tote bag.  The Mountains Sing. A Vietnamese book. A multigenerational story set during the Vietnam War. "I wonder why foreign armies kept invading our country. First it was the Chinese, the Mongolians, the French, the Japanese, and now the American imperialist." "War isn't kindness or sympathy, Huong. War is death, sorrow, and misery."  As I was sitting and reading, from my peripheral vision, I saw a father take the seat next to me. He was watching his son play in front. I didn't even look at them, but I thought they were Koreans. I'm not sure why. After sometime a couple with a kid took the seat. They left their bag on the edge of my seat, and I ...

 Woke up in my own sweet time. Read in bed for a while. Got up. Made coffee, the free coffee sachet from the hotel. Turns out it was strong black coffee. I am not a strong black coffee girl. But I hate to leave it like that, so I added both the sugar packets. Drank and got ready. Went for a little walk to a bakery, Vera Cakes, and bought some bread. Then, I headed to the beach. Walked for quite some time and decided to take a beach seat. Paid 40000 dong and sat there. Started reading, of course. A fruit seller came, and I bought an assorted fruit packet, 20000 dong. Also asked the beach seat guy for a tender coconut, 30000 dong. I ate some of that bread, so smooth, soft and tasty. Sat there for nearly two hours. Talked to my family on video call. Then it was time for lunch. I started walking back to the room. Looked around for restaurants on the way. For some reason didn't feel like going in any of them. The previous day, I had lunch at the Indian restaurant, but I couldn't eat...

The room where I stayed in Hanoi wasn't good. As in, I wanted to leave as soon as I entered. Mold on the walls and ceiling. I'm okay the room wasn't new, but the furnishings didn't look tidy. The bathroom didn't look clean. I guess the owner is okay with how things are. Or he has other important things to worry about that he can't really be bothered by the state of the room. Who knows! Now, would I recommend the room to others? Absolutely not..  Checked out at 11:40 am. Booked a cab to Hoan Kiem Lake. Sat there next to the lake with my luggage. Gosh, the wind. Cool. But sitting for 3 hours with that breeze on your face while having your period!!... Nice view, though, and I got a shawl, a cap, and a face mask. Sat there with all that on and started Greek Lessons by Han Kang. All that time, several people came, sat next to me and went, one after the other. Ahem,  I'm officially someone who reads in public. At the cafe the day before, then at the lake. (I don...

 Took myself out on a solo trip. Boarded a morning flight from my home city, reached Kolkata airport for the connecting flight, went to the lounge and had lunch (thanks to my sister who got me a card with lounge access). I used to access the lounge in my travels before, but ever since I left my job, all my cards have no longer been accepted. Anyway, after lunch, I came out of the lounge and had some time before boarding the flight. I was sitting by myself, then two uncles came near me. One showed me his phone, indicating we had the same phone, and asked, "Can you charge my phone?" It was a little confusing. I asked him, "You want to borrow my charger?" He said, yes. He had left his in his checked-in baggage. Hmm, I didn't want to lie that I didn't have my charger, thought what harm is it? Let him borrow. I gave him my charger. He said, "You're also going to Hanoi, right?" I said yeah. He went to the charging point. I would have been happy if he...

 End-of-month blog check-in. I am very tired, and I'll keep this very short. I read these books this month. 1. Capitalist Realism: Is There No Alternative by Mark Fisher Heard of Mark Fisher before, read this following a book rec on IG. Need a good understanding of American and British pop culture to better grasp the book. Still, it's worth reading.  "The relationship between capitalism and eco-disaster is neither coincidental nor accidental; capital's 'need of a constantly expanding market', its 'growth fetish', means that capitalism is by its very nature opposed to any notion of sustainability."  Truth! 2. All About Love by bell hooks I was searching for a book by bell hooks, following the same IG book rec from above, but found this instead. Again, worth the read.  "To truly love, we must learn to mix various ingredients- care, affection, recognition, respect, commitment, and trust, as well as honest and open communication."  I think th...

Seventy-nine? Looks like this is the number of books I'll read this year. Why? Because I read fifty-nine books in 2024 and sixty-nine in 2025. I can do it. Not fretting, though. The number of books is not important. What's really important, real readers know. To summarise the books I read in Jan: 1. Notes from Underground by Fyodor Dostoyevsky 2. Human Acts by Han Kang 3. My Friends by Fredrik Backman 4. Days at the Morisaki Bookshop by Satoshi Yagisawa 5. James Baldwin, The Last Interview and Other Conversations 6. Moral Ambition by Rutger Bregman 7. Giovanni's Room by James Baldwin 8. The Day the World Stops Shopping by J.B. Mackinnon 1. Notes from Underground by Fyodor Dostoyevsky About free will, rationalism, ego, and contradiction. This is a reread. This time, I am more empathetic to the underground man compared to last time. I guess I grew a little. I may not get the full depth and meaning of the book. But I got enough to find it interesting.  Also, Fyodor Dostoyevsky...