Skip to main content

A Bad Dream

 It's 3:23 am, Friday the 27th of December, 2024. I am up because I had a bad dream. I tried going back to sleep, but I felt that I should write down how I was feeling. Perhaps I will feel a little better or more relieved after doing that. I don't know whether the way we left off our phone conversation or the news about the total shutdown had anything to do with the dream. I mean, we didn't finish our conversation on good footing. We nearly, no! We most certainly raised our voices. And there was news about the shutdown, which was a reason for some panic. 

So, in the dream, I was in a big lecture hall with benches & seats on big steps. There were many people. The person beside me was just telling me to be careful, more like hide my face, because I, with two other people (I didn't know who they were), looked a bit like Kukis. (I mean, what?! How did this even pop up in my dream, huh!?) He said that we were more susceptible to attacks, so it's better to be safe and take precautions. Shortly after that, there's a young boy, maybe around 11 or 12, plump, looking harmless (almost giving you the image of the chubby boy Russell in the movie Up). He walked on one side of the room, speaking with a loud voice, saying, "It's the third wave now." As in the Covid first wave, then the second wave, and now it's the third wave, not Covid in this case, but the conflict situation, which was the reason for the total shutdown. He went on, "People are now clearly divided into two sides, one side with Russia and the other with China." (This does not even make sense since the conflict in Manipur is between the Meiteis and the Kukis, and he's talking about Russia and China.) (Not Russia and Ukraine, it seemed.) Anyway, as he was speaking, everyone's attention was on him, and it looked like he was gonna go away. Then suddenly he produced a pistol and pointed it towards us, the people in the hall. Everyone panicked and got down.

Sorry, I had to take a break from writing this down because of a call of nature; I think the fear and stress of reliving that scene in my head is causing it.

Okay, as I was writing, he suddenly produced a pistol and aimed blindly at us. Everyone got down and hid themselves under the benches. Me too. I feared for my life, obviously. Especially after having been told to hide for safety. I dragged myself on all fours and got away from him as far as I could, under the benches. This whole time, he was speaking and aiming the pistol at us.

Oh damn! I am starting to forget how it ended. Maybe it ended here, or I've forgotten what happened after this. Anyway, I wasn't killed. But I remember thinking in my dream, "I don't want to die," "I don't want to die." When I woke up, my whole body was tingling with fear, and I was thinking about how vulnerable life can be. It can be snatched away just like that. With no warnings. Sometimes it does not make sense. But people die. Why not be happy while we're alive? As I thought this, it made me sad how I had arranged for the tea party, and you two ruined it. 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Books I Read in June 2025— Arundhati Roy, BR Ambedkar and More

 Today is the last day of June, and I feel compelled to jot down the books I read this month to reflect on my experience and learnings. These are the books: ~The Magic Fish by Trung Le Nguyen ~My Seditious Heart by Arundhati Roy ~Annihilation of Caste by Bhimrao Ramji Ambedkar ~History of Modern Manipur by Lal Dena Just four. It's okay, really. There is no compulsion to read 6,7 books every month. Reading fewer books doesn't mean I'm learning less. In fact, I learned more deeply. The books this month have been impactful in different ways. Clearly, there is a shift in my choices. I'm leaning more into nonfiction now. I guess I've always been angry and frustrated deep inside. About the climate crisis, social injustice, war, etc. Living in the comforting world of fiction was an escape from all these thoughts. As I read more nonfiction, I get angrier, but I know I should keep myself informed of reality. Then perhaps I'd be able to do something about it. I'm not ...

March 2026 Reads—Doris Lessing, Han Kang, Silvia Federici And More

I'm back home after a month's holiday. Well, almost a month. Apparently, a single woman on vacation for a month, who is not a social media influencer, is a red flag with the immigration officer.😄 What did I read during my vacation? These: 1. Witches, Witch-Hunting, and Women by Silvia Federici I was looking for Caliban and the Witch and found this instead. Gave it a go. It is on similar themes anyway. "..because 'globalization' is a process of political recolonization intended to give capital uncontested control over the world's natural wealth and human labor, and this cannot be achieved without attacking women, who are directly responsible for the reproduction of their communities. The book serves as a reminder that reconstructing the memory of the past is crucial to the struggles of the present. 2. When I Hit You: Or, A Portrait of the Writer as a Young Wife by Meena Kandasamy A semi-autobiographical novel. Involves domestic violence and sexual abuse. Ugh! I...

what is my plan?

I don't have any source of income right now (except for a few hundred rupees per month). I don't monetise this blog either. Even if I do, can I sustain myself with that money? doubtful. I should have another source. I'll think of this later. What am I doing now? I am being there for my ageing parent. Helping with raising a child. Just being there for my family. Living a stress-free, peaceful life. At home, with pets. Things that matter more than money. But am I done with my career?  Definitely not.  I may not follow the conventional path, but I am on my own path. There will be more. I'm not willing to "wind up in obscurity". No. ---------- I still think of Ryan sometimes. ---------- Oh, hey, Manipur is on international news. For what? It's got to do with Israel. Embarrassing. I don't like it at all. People are stupid. ---------- Do you know? We are using up our planet almost twice as fast than it can regenerate.  I don't wanna be part of this.  Wha...